all grey men (seventeen again)

five and ten and fifteen years
are off into the blue
say your prayers for Kevin Ayres
Frank and Donald too
if you think you'll live forever
i'll tell you it's a lie
it's been near forty year
in the blink of an eye

now D. has got his pencil
and i'm manning the marantz
crazy fans of euro-bands
from germany and france
the years are far behind me
but the music never leaves
now back they're staring at me
from the old record sleeve

now they're all grey men
but still young buggers as the record spins
gonna skip it to the middle when the third verse ends
and the song rolls on
like i'm seventeen again
stealing records from the bargain bin
nobody's gonna miss 'em so it ain't no sin
tracks a whole side long

the sun was high in the sky; it was getting hot. the river bubbled along with a melodic sound, loud enough to notice, quiet enough to slide by in the background. the spot was familiar, a favorite location on the metolius river, lower bridge camp.

'it's nice here, if here is where here is'

'it's here...you can even go rent a camping spot if you want'

the river seemed to swell in volume. it sounded like people speaking in a strange tongue. water, voices, water again. a shadow from overhead passed across the water, causing me to look upwards. i caught a glimpse of the osprey i'd been observing last time i was here.

time.

frank looked good. a slight smile crossed his face. still round and jovial, he was the picture of health. it seemed perfectly natural that he and i were here together; my confusion was there, but well in the background. the explanation could easily wait till later.

maybe it was the conversation we'd never had when he was alive. back then, all we noticed were the differences. how different we were, how little in common...how unlikely it was that we might be a bit more similar than either of us realised. it was our time.

i didn't even remember the words and it didn't seem to matter. there was a pleasant and musical sound in the air. water. words. water. we looked into each others eyes for the first time. as i watched, his face seemed to change; thinner, less round. his hair had grown down to his shoulders. i reached out to touch his locks; my arm was large and muscular. thick fingers with a familiar ring.

i was startled enough to stand up. it was not easy, i was heavy and my thin legs seemed to strain to lift my weight. frank noticed my confusion and chuckled.

'it's alright, mako, we've always been each other, just didn't realise it back then.'

'or just couldn't say it' i replied.

i was myself again. frank looked at me and smiled silently.

'don't let the time go by'

i knew what he meant. a gurgling sound in the river caught my ear. in a moment of complete disorientation i stared at the metolius and gasped. it was now flowing in the opposite direction; south instead of north, still murmuring the same alluring sound as if nothing had changed.

'the folks in camp sherman won't even notice' frank said with a grin. his eyes were shining with joy, a light from within seemed to be radiating out towards me.

i felt as if i were standing at a threshold of uncertainty. not knowing what to do, i waited almost frozen. the world seemed to pause around me and the only thing i noticed was silence. the river's song had ceased. utterly quiet.

the river had ceased to flow. the surface of the water was smooth as glass; a mirror without a single ripple, turned to ice without freezing. liquid ice without reflection; deep beyond measure. inviting and terrifying at once, it was beyond my comprehension.

i summoned up all my will to look at frank again. he was himself again, but much younger. strong, trim and alert. he moved slowly to the rivers edge, then paused as if to consider his next move. he turned his head slowly to look at me with a warm smile on his face.

'don't let the time go by. it can flow in any direction, but that's not the point. make it your own.'

'i will'. tears.

frank approached the water, then stepped in at the point where my family had scattered the ashes. there was no disturbance in the river; not a splash not a ripple when he entered.

'i have to go, mako,' he smiled. 'it's o.k., the source is upstream.'

when i wiped the tears away, he was gone. the metolius rolled away northward singing gently as a song.

river of water and rivers of time

flooding the canyons and thoughts in my mind

and i'm lost as i listen and the sun's going down

and i'm longing to follow the silvery sound

and i watch as i wait for the music to end

but the sound it just gathers again and again

in the walls of the canyon in the walls of my mind

the sound it still echoes for time out of mind

rivers of water and rivers of time

they sing with their own voice and listen to mine

at the end of the long march at the end of the day

they all roll away

all away, all away,

i can hear you in my dreams

all the way, all the way

from the source upstream

rivers of water and rivers of time

they sing me their own verses line by line

and the dust and the ashes and the years and the days

they all roll away

all away, all away

i can hear you in my dreams

all the way, all the way

from the source upstream

reminder

sometimes you may feel different from everything around you, but at the end of the day, we're all the same, but unique. it doesn't matter if you're black or white, old or young, barely 12 inches off the ground, or 10 feet tall. we all came onto this earth for a reason, and we all have to go off. so, don't be so sad.

by winona holmes, age 9.

there was nothing. i fell and stood still at the same time; the visceral darkness rushed past like i was being swallowed into the blackness of eternity. pulled apart in every direction at once, i felt i would dissolve if i resisted. i started to cry out but the sound was drawn back down my throat like a bubble of air and lodged in my stomach.

everything began to spin around me, slow and sickening like a nightmarish carnival ride. the darkness began to orbit around me, or i around it, i couldn't tell. a single point of red light flashed, out of place yet strangely familiar. it hung stationary in the mad swirling night, my only beacon. with an enormous effort i reached out with my left hand. i seemed to be clutching something already, poised to stab, to plunge into the only light in the world.

everything stopped. streaks of white light raced through the darkness, wriggling past, swimming at great speed as i watched. i was afraid. the red dot seemed friendly, safe to look at so i focused on it to the exclusion of everything else.

"i know this thing" i thought. it made no sense that i should have any reference point here, but i continued to reach for it as the last of the white lights flew by. i now saw a black rectangular shape around the red speck, blacker than the surrounding night, like some kind of portal. the red light grew in intensity and began to illuminate the darkness.

the world began to take shape around me. i was in my studio at home. i looked at the black rectangle and the red light. it was my bass rig; i was reaching out to plug my instrument cable into the amplifier. unreal but wholly natural at the same time. i knew what i had to do. i turned the volume knob on my white p-bass and struck an open d with my thumb.

beautiful sound. living sound. sound with blood coursing through it's veins. sound in the air. sound flowing like every river on earth. sound reaching up to the heavens and back.

i played. wave after wave flowed over me and past me. the vibrations came right into my soul and back out again. the open a string made the tides flow and the water crash on earth; e made the ground shake and volcanoes erupt. the world smashed apart and reassembled in an instant. twelfth fret harmonic on the g string sang with the voices of a thousand angels.

"now, michael, now!" the voices came from everywhere and nowhere. tears of electricity flowed out of my eyes and merged with the stars which now shined brightly around me. the blackness had returned and was threatening to engulf me again.

"now!" loving yet insistent.

i wound it wide open, every setting on 10. i closed my eyes. an instant of terror mixed with resolve. i knew i had to let go. i struck all four strings at once. the red light exploded in a cataclysm, a supernova of sound blew past me and i was drawn headlong through the speaker of my amp into a tunnel, an artery of vibration. time blurred, stopped and started. i felt something rushing over me, like water. i began to gasp and choke. i was drowning and i couldn't move. i heard splashing. someone grabbed me by the right hand and pulled me out of the water.

"it's ok, mako, it's ok."

i knew the voice. i stood up and wiped my eyes.

"hi, dad."

...or the ever popular refrain:

OM MANI PADME HUM OM MANI PADME HUM OM MANI PADME HUM

SA TA NA MA

OM MANI PADME HUM OM MANI PADME HUM SA TA NA MA

WHA HEY GURU GURU

SA TA NA MA SA TA NA MA SA TA NA MA

WHA HEY WHA HEY

OM MANI PADME HUM OM MANI PADME HUM SA TA NA MA

GURU GURU WHA HEY

OM MANI PADME HUM OM MANI PADME HUM OM MANI PADME HUM

SA TA NA MA

OM MANI PADME HUM OM MANI PADME HUM SA TA NA MA

WHA HEY GURU GURU

SA TA NA MA SA TA NA MA SA TA NA MA

WHA HEY WHA HEY

OM MANI PADME HUM OM MANI PADME HUM SA TA NA MA 

GURU GURU WHA HEY

OM MANI PADME HUM OM MANI PADME HUM OM MANI PADME HUM

 SA TA NA MA

OM MANI PADME HUM OM MANI PADME HUM SA TA NA MA 

WHA HEY WHA HEY

SA TA NA MA SA TA NA MA SA TA NA MA

 WHA HEY WHA HEY

SA TA NA MA SA TA NA MA SA TA NA MA 

WHA HEY GURU GURU

OM MANI PADME HUM OM MANI PADME HUM OM MANI PADME HUM

 SA TA NA MA

OM MANI PADME HUM OM MANI PADME HUM SA TA NA MA

 WHA HEY WHA HEY

SA TA NA MA SA TA NA MA SA TA NA MA

 WHA HEY WHA HEY

SA TA NA MA SA TA NA MA SA TA NA MA

 WHA HEY GURU GURU

i get tired now. i didn't use to get tired.